(Juma walks into the living room to find his old man deeply engrossed reading a Daily Nation’s magazine, ZuQka.)

Juma:  Dad, do you have a minute?

Mr. Mwamba:   Just a moment, let me finish reading Jowal Jones’ column, these comrades of his are hilariously crazy!

Juma: (Tapping his feet) It’s urgent dad.

Mr Mwamba: (Puts down his paper, sighs) This better be good.

Juma: Not really. I think I’m sick.

Mr. Mwamba:  (Picks up the paper again) Diarrhoea again? You’ll tell your mother to take you to Dr. Hassan tomorrow.

Juma: Not that dad… (looking down) It gets really painful when I  pee.

Mr. Mwamba: (Squinting from the paper) That’s serious! And, have you developed rashes down there?

Juma: Yep. How did you know?

Mr. Mwamba: (Shifting in his sit) Just a guess. When did it start?

Juma: About a month ago. I thought it would soon fade away, but it’s only getting worse.

Mr. Mwamba: (Stroking his beard) I reckon that’s about the time when Susan, the new housemaid, came by, right?

Juma: Right dad… (Looking up) Do you think she might have…

Mr. Mwamba: Juma, have you been doing some bad things behind my back? (He’s now clenching his fists)

Juma: Things like what dad? What do you mean?

Mr. Mwamba: You know clearly what I mean, Juma!

Juma: No dad! I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about!

Mr. Mwamba: Then what is it? What’s causing your rashes and pain when you go to the loo?

Juma: Don’t pretend daddy! You too are suffering from the same!

Mr. Mwamba: (Bangs his fist on the table) How dare you!

Juma: I overheard your conversation with Dr. Hassan, dad!

Mr. Mwamba: You did what!

Juma: Yea, and you told him that you also had rashes and were experiencing pain when urinating! (An awkward silence ensues. Mr. Mwamba covers his face with his hands.)

dad-son_0Mr. Mwamba: (Lowering his voice) Do you suppose it’s the maid?

Juma: That’s what I’ve said…

Mr. Mwamba: I mean, maybe it’s the food she’s been cooking for us. Don’t you think?

Juma: (Manages a close-lipped smile) Yes dad…It must be her cooking!

Mr. Mwamba: I’ve always tasted something really sinister in her food plenty of times.

Juma: But mum loves her cooking very much. I’m not sure she’ll buy that.

Mr. Mwamba: No, my son. No! Let’s not mention this to your mother. You know how paranoid she can be at times. Best if we don’t involve her in this mess. I’ll take you to Dr. Hassan tomorrow.

Juma: Thanks dad. What about Susan, the maid?

Mr. Mwamba: That maid doesn’t know how to cook. She’ll have to go!

Juma: No, dad! We can’t send Susan away!

Mr. Mwamba: (Rising from the couch) She has to go Juma! I don’t like her cooking and as far as I’m concerned she has no business being in this house!

Juma: But why dad? Why?

Mr. Mwamba: (Now walking towards his room.) Because I’m you father and I say so!

Juma: (Following him) If Susan goes then I’m getting an iPhone six plus!

Mr. Mwamba: Okay, you little terrorist! I’ll buy you an iPhone. Just don’t let your mother hear about this!

Lukorito Jones

Lukorito Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.


  1. I think I have heard a variation of this story.

Leave a comment & you will live happily ever after!