Illustration: Joe Ngari, Daily Nation

Illustration: Joe Ngari, Daily Nation

Amidst the usual smut and common-place party videos that would make Kenya Film Classification Board Chairman, Ezekiel Mutua, throw up his lunch, a more disturbing clip was shared widely by my comrades early this week.

The video was surreal, strange and made my head my head spin. It (allegedly) captures a long-serving student leader physically assaulting his opponent.

I was shocked to the core. This was definitely bullying in high noon and until then, I had thought I had seen the worst of human depravity.

The viral clip exposed our university politics for what they really are — feral, full of malice, veiled threats, misaligned braggadocio and blackmailers. The notion of democracy, which we campus folks regard with so much hoopla, is nothing but nonsense on stilts.

The entire electioneering debacle in our institutions of higher learning is amoral and lacks even a modicum of positive direction.

It is, as my old man Grandpa Richard likes to put it, a sad state of affairs.

The progeny of our skewed system are the feral clowns who masquerade as student leaders. Such leaders, a psychiatrist once argued, need to have parts of their brains removed and treated for mental problems.

Once elected, they often hang onto power for years on end with a ferocity that would be admirable to an African dictator.

This is because their positions allow them to amass questionable wealth and assert their vainglorious influence on national political scene.

Employing Machiavellian methods to consolidate their power and intimidate rivals, student leaders are untouchable. Besides, it is said they often surround themselves with a phalanx of goons, part-time muggers and other misfits. What spews out of their mouth is more venomous than a snake’s spit, but even more disgusting are their atavistic actions that pose considerable threat to national security.

Comrades, it is high time we put a moratorium to this inculpable nonsense that passes for leadership in our institutions. If we continue entertaining this cancer, it will metastasize all over our personhood and eat us alive from the insides.

To those aspiring for leadership positions in our universities, the Bible has many nuggets of wisdom for you. Today, I will refer you to Mathew 20:26.


* * *

If you can recall, last Friday, a lion was spotted strolling along Mombasa Road, an incident that left many quaking in their boots.

My old man, Grandpa Richard, insists that my comrades have got nothing to fear.

“No lion in its right mind will dare feast on any of your comrades,” he told me.

“The residual from the mercury used to bleach their skin and the excessive make-up is enough to keep the carnivores at bay. Besides, no self-respecting King of the Jungle will stoop so low as to feed on people with too much marijuana and a little blood in their alcohol systems.”

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Lukorito Jones

When I'm not busy chasing around stories for my quasi-journalism career, you'll find me dabbling in fiction and perfecting my deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.

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