I don’t exactly run an agony aunt column (mine is more of agonised lad) for my gormless comrades, but many are the times they flood my mailbox seeking for wisdom which is in short supply these days. Last week a missive by a lass, whom we’ll call Ann*, caught my eye.
Judging by the way she correctly used punctuation, I deduced that Ann must be in possession of a good head between her shoulders. Now Ann had gotten herself into some hot soup (metaphorically speaking, not literally). Her ex-boyfriend, frothing with vengeance, was threatening to leak her nude photos in Whatsapp groups.
I approached Grandpa Richard, who is known far and wide for his mercurial wisdom, to offer some advice in Ann’s quandary. Upon reading her email however, the sage was so flabbergasted and flummoxed that he was struck dumb. By the time of going to press, my old man was yet to recover from his shock. As such, views expressed in today’s piece are solely mine and do not in any way reflect the opinions of Grandpa Richard.
I totally understand Grandpa’s reaction. In his time, they were ashamed of their carnal urges and never dared to look at anything that would whip them into a froth of seething sexual tension. Grandpa Richard didn’t see a naked woman until his wedding night, and even then it was lights out and purely accidental.
Flip the coin to our society today, where nude selfies are more prevalent than Al-shabaab attacks. While Grandpa Richard’s peers only saw nude photos in Biology textbooks, comrades nowadays flaunt and strut their privates at the drop of a hat. Why the asinine trend?
Methinks a lot of people feel there’s so much trust in a relationship that they decide to take their flirtations too far, oblivious of the risks. Yet others just want to look voguish, so they’re like, “Jennifer Lawrence did it so…” Another argument I can’t seem to wrap my head around is one that categorises prurient photos as a branch of art.
Posing for lubricious pictures is like hanging the sword of Damocles over your head, for they might and will leak out some day. Your ‘trusted’ partner or someone sinister may put them up on the web for malicious reasons. You don’t want a photo of you naked showing up every time someone googles your name, do you?
Taking raunchy pictures is morally wrong, and goes against the sexual mores and taboos of many societies. What if you run into a family member with a photo of you in your birthday suit?
Possessing carnal nudity is an offense in Kenya, right? You may actually be incarcerated if you have sleazy snaps of yourself. I’m sure you don’t want the long arms of the law touching you in unflattering places.
If you’ve been mulling over taking x-rated photos, banish the thought. For those of you that feel Jowal’s too reserved, feel free to ignore my advice. Just remember to have fun ruining your reputation when they get leaked.


Lukorito Jones

When I'm not busy chasing around stories for my quasi-journalism career, you'll find me dabbling in fiction and perfecting my deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.

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