Dear Comrades,

Contrary to popular misconception, Grandpa Richard is actually a loving and caring man with a heart the size of a range-rover. He’s genuinely concerned about your health. When it comes to nutritional intelligence, grandpa thinks you comrades are just learning how to make fire. That’s why he has asked me to write to you this missive with a hope that it will influence you to watch what you eat with more keenness than you watch those Telemundo soap operas.

Many of you are in the habit of skipping breakfast because you’re too lazy to boil up some tea and sweet-potatoes early in the morning. Grandpa is not a nutrition buff, but he insists breakfast is the most important meal of the day and skipping it results to poor brain function. Maybe that’s the reason why you always behave like escapees from a psychiatric ward.

There’s something about street food that constantly irks my old man. He advises that you take extra caution before you purchase that mutura or chips mwitu. Sexually transmitted infections are already jostling to kill you, why would you want to add water-borne diseases to the equation?

It should come as no surprise that obesity is quickly gaining ground among my comrades. After devouring nyama choma and washing it down with stuff that’s definitely not water on a daily basis, what do you expect? Some of you think I am criticising my plump comrades—perish the thought. However, when one becomes corpulent due to eating shoddily and not working out, then a disaster is in the cooking (pardon the pun). Obesity strains your body and leads to a plethora of health problems such as heart diseases, type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure.

In Grandpa Richard’s days the only fat people were the extremely rich, and that’s because they had earned the right to overeat. Conversely, you comrades are in the habit of singly devouring food enough for an army. No wonder you’re all over-fed but under-nourished.

I understand you might be hard-pressed to spare some time as you struggle to balance between fornication and your studies, but that should not be a reason to make fast foods your staple. While convenient, they are loaded with nutrients you should limit such as excessive fat and sodium. So, don’t light up like a Christmas tree every time a bag of fries is dropped on your hands. Its effects might seem innocuous at present, but it’s slowly killing you. You might just as well write a suicide note as you ingest the ticking time-bomb.

With food, not everything goes. Be very mindful of your peas and dietary cues and adhere to a balanced diet. If you ignore this, you are bound to lead yourself to an early grave. And when you’re standing at the pearly gates of heaven, St. Peter will ask you, “Remember when Jowal advised you to stay away from debilitating foods and you brushed it all away?”


Jowal Jones.

Twitter: @JowalJones

Lukorito Jones

When I'm not busy chasing around stories for my quasi-journalism career, you'll find me dabbling in fiction and perfecting my deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.

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