My old man, Grandpa Richard, is a deeply religious man who will not profess the theory of evolution even if you held his feet on fire. Lately however, he has been cracking books about the likes of Australopithecus and the old man is spooked by eerie similarities between my slovenly comrades and the Neanderthals.
With the accuracy of a distinguished scholar, Grandpa Richard has noted that young people are debasing to the lower rungs of the evolutionary ladder at an alarming rate. If nothing is done to arrest this de-evolving trend, the human race will soon find itself below algae and pond-scum in the evolutionary scale.
Early man is known to have had a smaller brain capacity which rendered the transmission of intelligent thought impossible. Ditto to my comrades. Grandpa came to this conclusion after observing the feral behaviour exhibited by university students in the country over.
The other day, my old man watched in amusement as he observed a comrade struggling for 25 minutes to push a door open while it was clearly marked pull. The young fellow finally threw in the towel and decided to break the glass door with a bat (the animal type).
An epoch in history is named ‘Stone Age’ in reference to a time where man employed rocks solely as his tools. With university students who resort to throwing stones at motorists and public property every time grass sprouts, history is veritably repeating itself. Believe you me; we are only a stone’s throw away (pun intended) from slipping back into the Stone Age.
Thirty million years ago, writing was yet to be certified as an acceptable means of communication. Thus, our ancestors communicated by drawing symbols on the cave-walls that were their abode. The comrades of today find proper writing and use of punctuation extremely disgusting. They would rather erase grammar and communicate in those horrific yellow smileys which they plaster everywhere, taking us back to the cave symbols of yore. The only other form of communication they seem to be interested in is the use of smoke signals, but only if the smoke is produced by combusting marijuana, shisha or tobacco.
Just like early man, comrades prefer strutting about naked. That’s why lasses wear skirts so short that would give a midget a run for his money, displaying acres of human skin without a care. The lads on the other hand curiously prefer to dress up like hunters and gatherers. With fashion, my comrades are nowhere near inventing fire.
The fact that my comrades like relive the Big Bang Theory by fornicating every other night lends credence to Grandpa Richard’s fears.
The erudite man is worried that if my comrades are allowed to pass forth their primitive energy via procreation, then the human race is headed for doom. What has taken man millions of years to achieve can all be erased in a single generation.
My comrades have debased themselves to the level of Neanderthals; extinction will be too good for them.

Lukorito Jones

When I'm not busy chasing around stories for my quasi-journalism career, you'll find me dabbling in fiction and perfecting my deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.

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