My old man, Grandpa Richard, is on the record urging my comrades to stop consuming blogs that trick them into believing they actually know things, when all they’re filled with are conflicting opinions, warped ideologies, and sleazy photos from the Masaku Sevens. (Read: JACKS OF ALL TRADES; MY COMRADES SPEAK TOO MUCH)
He has urged them to embrace books and credible blogs like this one instead. He is deeply saddened by the fact that nowadays, any comrade with a computer can cobble up a blog and fill it with unfiltered propaganda and yellow news, hell-bent on spreadingdisgust and destroying morals. (Read: MY COMRADES AND THEIR POOR READING CULTURE!)
Information, Grandpa Richard stated, is like alcohol. It needs to be filtered, distilled and carefully packaged before it is safe for consumption. Ingest it “wholesale” from ratchet blogs and you’re opening yourself up to nothing but blindness, death or worse, brain fever.
Today, however, Grandpa is afraid for my comrades. You see, even though the greybeard finds the blogs lamentable, he is sensible enough to recognise that they have the freedom of expression.
WHAT WORRIES MY OLD MAN
What worries my old man is the fact that recently, security agencies have been working overtime. Their target has shifted from minor inconveniences like Al-Shabaab and brazen corruption.
No, they won’t waste time finding out where the Eurobond money went or explaining how soldiers perished like flies in Somalia. Instead, they have deployed their machinery to crack down hard on bloggers. It’s a worrisome state of affairs.
Comrades, it is time to hold off on the incoherent banter on Facebook and asinine chatter on your makeshift blogs. Be afraid of cracking wise on stereotypical jokes, political scandals and the female anatomy.
You see, our government now deems you more dangerous than that mosquito that has been accused of spreading the dengue, Chikungunya and Zika viruses.
I understand that you gain valuable nutrients from rumours; without them you’d probably suffer kwashiorkor. I know your favourite pastime is making up rumours every half-hour if you do not hear a new one. But that trend needs to be divorced asap.
It is bone-headed game to open a blog in a nation where freedom of expression is guaranteed but freedom after expression is a mirage. You might think you’re doing your country a favour by keeping its government accountable when you expose a scandal on
social media, but the powers that be might just decide otherwise. Even when you actually have proof of what you’re talking about, remember that truth is a bitter pill to swallow and it isn’t always a good idea trying to force it down other people’s throats.
You will be accused of grossly misconstruing facts and summoned to the CID headquarters. And when you try to prove that you are learned and quote Article 33 of the Constitution, which states that you have the right to freedom of expression, facts will be
spun on their head and you will be charged with “misuse of a licensed communication device.”
Be careful about what you post, comrades, so as not to stew in your own juices. Be afraid.