My old man, Grandpa Richard, is extremely disgruntled. Our beloved country, whose values he has fought tooth and nail to protect, is steadily going to hell in a hand-basket.

Our morals and values are sinking faster than the Kenyan shilling; anarchy is threatening to become the order of the day. Kenya is on the brink—dangling at the very ledge of the edge of the precipice.


Even though the country is yet to go to the dogs, Grandpa Richards is of the opinion that it won’t be long before asininity replaces common sense and virtue as routine. Values like education and integrity will soon be worthless.

In order to survive the new order, some comrades will be better off dropping from college and engaging in professions that are becoming increasingly revered across the country such as:


When things become elephant and you cannot ace your end-of-semester nursing exam, you’re better off dropping out of nursing school and starting your own private practice as a doctor.

Here, your modus operandi will detail imposing your horny shaggathons on sedated female patients, an abomination bordering necrophilia. Worry not about being caught; the government will conveniently turn a blind eye as police offer you protection.

Only beware of pesky journalists who might be paid to ‘finish you politically’.


If the Literature class seems like rocket science and you’re unable to construct or converse in coherent sentences, then it’s time to cut your losses in the education system and become a televangelist.

A slow mind complimented by a fast tongue will be an added advantage. Here, Kenyans will reward you by planting seeds worth millions of shillings to fund your amoral lifestyle.

You will also have the police force at your beck and call, and they’ll be more than willing to take you through a hands-on practical course of “How to get Away with Murder.

  1. MUSIC

Did it dawn on you half-way through an engineering course that you’re too daft to perform long division? All is not lost comrade, you can still make a living as a msanii.

Never mind that listening to your voice might traumatize kids for seven days and seven nights, and adults want to flog themselves to death every time your song comes on the radio.

You see, once you drop a track, no matter how mediocre, the government will push it down everyone’s throat just because it’s local. Methinks they’re running a secret project with which they intend to scare off terrorists from the country by arm-twisting radio stations to play even the most brain-melting of local music.


Is improving your brain proving to be too much work? Why not improve your body instead? Firm up your breasts, eviscerate the melanin, and get your buttocks raised. Then open an Instagram account and wait to earn big returns.

These are some of the better paying  careers as the country makes its slide into damnation.

Lukorito Jones

When I'm not busy chasing around stories for my quasi-journalism career, you'll find me dabbling in fiction and perfecting my deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.


  1. Your articles are amazing, usually make my Fridays. Hope to someday become as good of a writer as you are..

  2. awesome

  3. The satire employed is a deliberate attempt to otherwise obliterate the entire pack of those celebrated career paths? maybe presided over by psychopaths? Great piece… It actually metaphorically left me Euphoric…

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  5. I think you hit it with satire.Superb like a guide to becoming a student leader.Do more of this.


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