A fortnight ago, the blogosphere was awash with the news that a degenerate comrade, oblivious of all notions of decency, privacy and morality, had released a dossier of 90 other comrades she had infected with HIV. Like every other person, I am tired of the sleaze that provides fodder to…
So this one time my old man, Grandpa Richard, decided to pay me an impromptu visit in campus. I decided to hang out with him at the shopping centre, a nice open place where hungry people like to eat. I immediately regretted my decision when two comrades, a slovenly unkempt…
Dear Comrades, Contrary to popular misconception, Grandpa Richard is actually a loving and caring man with a heart the size of a range-rover. He’s genuinely concerned about your health. When it comes to nutritional intelligence, grandpa thinks you comrades are just learning how to make fire. That’s why he has…
Thousands of years to come, when historians will be chronicling events from the current epoch, they are sure to reserve copious pages for a peculiar batty creature that lived in Kenyan universities. They will discover that this feral organism, known simply as comrade, was always fraught with myriad problems. But…
There appears to be a ubiquitous shortage of respect among my comrades. It is a generation that bears not even a squat of reverence towards their elders, the law or even vengeful God. Heck, they even don’t have self-respect! If this insidious trend keeps up, bad things will happen. Grandpa…
My erudite old man, Grandpa Richard, is of the opinion that referendums are like diamond rings; you can only afford a few of them in your lifetime. He is quite apprehensive with the way our leaders want to trash the current constitution with alacrity even before the ink used to…
So you’ve been seeing them for quite some time now, probably going out on dates and almost getting physical. However, you’re starting to feel unsure of the state you’re in. You know you cannot call them your boy/girlfriend yet, but they pretty much seem like lovers to you. Maybe it’s…
A maddening cacophony of discordant sounds is what greets you if you venture into any residence inhabited by college students. My comrades feed on asinine music, played at decibels so high that it is a wonder their heads don’t blow up left, right and centre. Their music, loud enough to…
A few weeks ago, a noble suggestion was mooted that university students be clothed in uniforms. In their usual fashion of opposing everything that has a lick of common sense, my comrades received the proposal with hue and cry. “The reprehensible nonsense that passes for dressing nowadays is a brazen…
They say a critic is more effective if he also offers solutions, and last week Grandpa Richard and I did our part in arresting the downward spiral among my comrades by teaching them how to become employable. It has however come to our attention that my comrades do not know…
The problem with my comrades, according to Grandpa Richard, is that very few of them are actually employable. All they seem to be good at is snooze, booze and get tattoos. After holding a comprehensive dialogue with the old man, we’ve come up with some tips for my comrades which…
But wait, don’t call it quits just yet. Maybe all you need is some time apart from your partner to think things over
There is a weird trend slowly gaining ground among campus reprobates that’s giving me the willies. It is a curious blend of self-destruction and asininity; an unexplainable macabre desire to mutilate one’s body by perforating every single orifice. Pray, why would one choose to add 18 extra holes onto their…
One of the best indicators that our country might never achieve vision 2030 is the declining reading culture among my comrades. This is a sorry generation that would never touch the Encyclopedia Britannica with a ten-foot pole. I know you’re asking how it is possible for people to be university…
The World Cup is here with us. In its wake, it has brought about increased raucousness and alcohol imbibing in copious amounts among my comrades. It is also keeping them awake past the midnight, something that does not quite sit well with my old man, Grandpa Richard. You’d think that…
Love is the spice that adds flavor to our humdrum lives; without it living would lose all meaning. It is worthwhile for each and every member of humanity to fall in love at least once in their lifetime. But how do you know you’re falling in love with someone and…
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about how my comrades will do anything, even sip Countryman, just to get attention. Recently, a comrade vindicated me on national television. No, she did not imbibe the killer brew, although some might argue it would have been better if she had gulped…
My comrades have a bright future. I wish that were a compliment but sadly, it isn’t. This is because their future is bright in its literal sense. To think that mutilating their skins with asinine tattoos wasn’t enough, comrades have gone a step further to insult genetics by bleaching their…
It seems that morals and common-sense are not the only things that have fled from my comrades. Cupid too has joined the bandwagon and deserted the youngsters, leaving behind a generation devoid of courtship values, romance and a squat of true love. Relationships among my comrades are like houses built…
There are only two things in Kenya that are of a greater security threat than Al-shabaab, and my comrades are both of them. This is because campus students, all jazzed up with alcohol and flagrant disregard of the law, have decided that there is no other way in which conflicts…
The problem with my comrades is that they are all obsessed with fame. Now, while I have no qualms with people seeking to become famous by making a noticeable contribution to the society, it really chaps my shorts when comrades pursue fickle attention in amoral ways. Have you been to…
When my old man Grandpa Richard was younger, they never took time off to snooze, booze or get tattoos. They were too busy engaging on more productive forms of art, like dancing to theIsukuti and carving out calabashes. And when they did indulge themselves in some mindless skin defacing schemes,…
The problem with my comrades is that they’re lazy and lack foresight. The semester in several campuses just came to an end, and I asked a comrade of mine what he plans to do for the five months he’ll be on holiday. I couldn’t believe my ears when he replied…
Whoever came up with the expression ‘Politics is a dirty game’ must have been an observer of campus elections. This is because my comrades’ p rimal nature never shines brighter than when they are electing their next bunch of leaders. During this period, comrades are ever volatile, highly charged, and…
While attending an alumni function at a local university, my old man Grandpa Richard accidentally walked into the institution’s students’ centre and immediately froze on his tracks. What the pensioner saw shocked him to the core. My comrades were flailing around like retarded rabbits hopped up on rabies and hormones,…
“Xaxa Xweewy, aki am xo xowy…” Apologies for starting my column in Chinese. Believe it or not, that was a text message one of my comrades sent me this morning. I have spent the past three hours trying to decipher the Morse, but all I have gained is a grueling…
My comrades are on drugs. They’re hopped up on ecstasy, hyped by vodka, topped up on Cannabis Sativa, puffing on sheesha and acting like a bunch of marauding dim-wits on a midterm break from the Mathare Institute of the Insanely Profane. It is disgraceful and makes me really furious. You…
If you are walking nearby any institution of higher learning in Kenya and would wish to enjoy a freak-show for free, grab yourself some popcorn from the nearest vendor and pay close attention to the weirdo hairstyles that students sport. I would advise you to put on sun-glasses though, for…
Valentine’s Day is probably the most romantic day of the year. On this day, all living creatures pair up and use the opportunity to splash gifts, flowers and chocolates on each other. This Friday is the day designated to show love for the person who makes your heart go ‘kedike’,…
Infidelity is highly repulsed and shunned in most relationships. Couples usually work hard to remain committed and faithful to one another. If you truly love your partner, you will surely strive to practice zero-grazing, even when you feel the grass might be greener on the other side. But let us…
Just the same way as it takes two to tango; it also takes two parties, each offering an equal amount of contribution, to make a relationship work. However, at times, a partner might start putting less effort towards making the affair work. They gradually lose interest, making you feel they’re…
Have you ever felt that you’re cursed when it comes to love? Have all your previous relationships come to a tragic end, leaving you distraught, bitter and vengeful? Had you initially lost your faith in love? If so, then I have some good news for you: You have the power…
Jealousy can be considered as one of the most common of all human emotions; and rightfully so. Though many of us are reluctant to admit it; we all feel jealous and insecure every once in a while in our relationships, no matter how solid they are. People usually succumb to…
We all know that love is the sweetest thing ever. But most often than not, relationships turn out in ways we hadn’t anticipated. The love that once bound us together now becomes contaminated, and we start toying with the idea of calling it quits. Most people have the ability of…
If the name Vera Sidika doesn’t ring a bell, then you probably are an alien from Pluto or some other obscure planet. I mean, how in the Kenyan showbiz have you not heard about this well endowed schoolmate of mine? Her booty is so big that it could win an…
When you met at first, you never thought anything more than friendship would develop between the two of you. Then like a bolt from the blue, it strikes. You wake up one morning and realize that you’re in love with them. How did it even happen? You wonder. Oh, my!…
Deciding whether to end a relationship or hold on is one of the toughest choices we usually have to make when it comes to affairs of the heart. But what’s even tougher is pondering on lifting the reverse gear and ignite the once dead flame with your ex. Getting back…
Is it really possible to find true love online? I set out looking for an answer to this question and got varied responses. First came the lamentations about online relationships that have gone awry. Sebastian, a 22 year old Kenyatta University student, was utterly against the idea of dating someone…
The Mugendalets are at it again. This time, they’ve effectively crossed the threshold from being a reprehensible minute institution full of primitive energy to being an international (I blame this on Thika Road) institution still full of primitive energy. Their primal nature has never shone brighter than when students are…
All relationships start with a bang. At the commencement of love, couples are all excited with each other and full of vibrant energy. However, as time goes by; the once vivacious flames of love are reducing to just glows and before you know it, the union becomes flat and cold.…
DEFYING LONG DISTANCE IN LOVE By Jowal Jones Wanja*, an ardent reader of this column, wrote me an interesting email last week. Her fiancé had just won a scholarship to pursue his scholarly dreams in the UK. While this was indeed a great achievement, Wanja was not entirely happy and…
Love is considered by many as that special spoonful of sugar that sweetens life. It runs like a river between our hearts, quenching our souls’ thirst. However, sometimes in a blink of an eye, this life’s sweetener can metamorphose into a vile and sour concoction. The river of love can…
Who doesn’t appreciate the magical feeling of being in love? Love, God’s gift to humanity, is a cake so sweet that everyone is yearning to taste a piece of it; right? We all want to be overcome by feelings of warmth, care and affection, don’t we? My opening paragraph may…
NB: This piece is best read while smiling “Be happy in the Lord, and He shall give you all the desires of your heart.” That is just but one of King David’s numerous nuggets of wisdom, coming from Psalms 37:4. Here, David debugs one of the misconceptions that have dogged…
Several years back, my brother and I used to attend different boarding schools. A day before the opening date, father would ask us to write a shopping list of things we needed for the school term. He would then travel to the nearby town and buy for us the items…
I petulantly apologised to the kid I had shoved out of the way and proceeded with my journey haste; half-jogging and half-running. I had to get to Pendo fast. As I hopped over a brook of sewer, jumped over a pool of stagnant water, and accidentally stepped onto fetid garbage,…
Ladies and gentlemen, it is with deep regret and a long face that I stand before you this fateful day. I am sorry to be the poll-bearer of sad news, and believe you me; it pains me to the deepest point of my spirit. The world’s procreation industry has…
The reason why most people lead unhappy lives these days is because they pay too much attention to just the wrong things. They focus and concentrate on small stuff that should never be a priority at all. Things that while at the surface it may seem normal to pay close…
Hey, I just met you, And this is crazy, But here’s my number, So call me, maybe! In A BLUNT KIND OF LOVE (PART 1), I narrated how cupid caught James Blunt and me in the chokehold. While researching for this post (yea, I do my homework), I picked…
My life is brilliant. My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that am sure. These are not actually my words. Music enthusiasts would recognize these as the opening lyrics to a song by RnB maestro James Blunt (You’ll have to pardon…
My comrades are on drugs. They’re hopped up on ecstasy, hyped by Bluemoon Vodka, topped up on Cannabis Sativa, puffing on sheesha and acting like a bunch of marauding dim-wits on a midterm break from the Mathare Institute of the Insanely Profane. It’s disgraceful and makes me really furious. You…
I actually didn’t want to go anywhere for the weekend, I preffered to stay in and do my writing instead. Mum wanted me to accompany Koi and her mum to some kids’ festival where Churchill was to be in attendance, but I refused flat out. Jones to a kids’ festival?…
Everyday, I get more and more convinced that the only reason why grown men play scrabble is because it’s the only socially acceptable way to explore their curiosity about jumping onto other men. For those who don’t know what scrabble is, gather around me as I explain to you the…
Throughout this election period, I have been rather indifferent and mum about the ongoing polls. But though I appeared rather inscrutable, I’d like to inform you that this does not in any way reflect a measure of my patriotism. My love for Kenya is huge, because this country is the…
<!–[if !mso]>st2:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) }st1:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } <![endif]–>Dullsville Section If you missed the last post about knowing your professor, click here. Specters of my Girlfriends It is with great gloom and disquietude that I funerally jot down this frighteningly fiendish and macabre experience that has been tormenting me relentlessly of late. For the…
Am that type of a person who would rather skip class and catch up later on my own. Not that I am a genius or anything, as my virtuosity itself has been hovering around rock bottom. It’s just that am the kind of a person who would rather bunk class…
<!–[if !mso]>st2:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) }st1:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } <![endif]–> Wasup peeps? I bet you are all having yourself a happy new year. Well, I don’t care. What I know is that the shit hit the fan on my New Years (RIP Granny), but am not letting that dampen my spirits this time round. I…
This is a story that happened some few years back, when I was in classseven about five years ago, and I know you will find it reallyinteresting.I attended a boarding school that happens to be located deep in theheart of Western Province. It is in one of those far off…
I know it’s too many times that I may cry wolf, but this time I am sincere. I would like to apologize to all my readers for being lazy and not posting stuff as promised. Am I forgiven? Thanx 🙂 Now, before you find out why yours truly does not…
Admit it: The title really caught your attention, didn’t it? But before we speak about sex, please read the dullsville section of today’s blog post for me, will you? Dullsville Section This is not the first time I have broken a promise I made to my readers, and I hope…
Am so sorry I haven’t posted for a long time, but it’s because i was a bit sick. Now am almost well, thanks be to God. Today am not well enough to blog either, so am gonna live you with two great motivational stories by some guys. The stories are 100% true,…
There is always a first time for everything, right? Today was my first time to visit a police station, and to be more specific, a police cell. Let me tell you my 30 minute experience at the police cell. I boarded the matatu opposite st.Peter’s, if any one of you…
A friend of mine who stays in the USA invited to me to an event on Facebook called Cover the Night. When I visited the page for the event, I found out that thousands of people had been invited too. What could this popular event be? I wondered to myself.…
Hi, My name is Jones, by the way. i have always kept diaries since my days in High school, and writing is my passion. Now i have finally decided to open a blog, Snippets of my life. On this blog, i plan to post almost everything that happens in my…