A BLUNT KIND OF LOVE (PART 1)

 

My life is brilliant.

 

My life is brilliant.

My love is pure.

I saw an angel.

Of that am sure.

 

These are not actually my words. Music enthusiasts would recognize these as the opening lyrics to a song by RnB maestro James Blunt (You’ll have to pardon the pun in my title). You will be forgiven for thinking that James was singing this song, “You’re Beautiful,” to his lover. In point of fact, James Blunt has never even held a conversation with the subject. Let alone that, he’s never said hi. And yet he went ahead to compose a song for her! If I didn’t know better, I’d say the guy was out of his mind.

 

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.

You’re beautiful, it’s true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don’t know what to do,

Cause I’ll never be with you.

 

ImageMr. Blunt saw this random girl on the street, and he instantly fell in love with her. Love at first sight; romance story tellers call it. Just a glance and you’re already tripping head over heels? Dude, what would you do you got stuck in an island with her? Chop off your eyes? (Before you ask, I also don’t have any idea how chopping off one’s eyes is related to love. But I assume it’s something someone going doolally with love would do.)

If I’m offered a penny for my thoughts, I’d say love at first sight is so asinine it should be a crime. In fact, it’s already a transgression before romance, a corruption of feelings and a felony towards I-don’t-know-what. If truth be told, the whole business of love is… Wait, no one asked for my opinion, did they? No?

What does James say about this two seconds affair with the beauty at the subway? (I don’t know what a subway is, but I assume it should be someplace like the Machakos bus station).

 

And I don’t think I’ll ever see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last ‘till the end.

 

Love at first sight surely happens to everyone at some point. As much as I really hate to admit it, it has happened to me too. Anyone who claims they have never seen someone hot and were immediately struck by the desire to marry them is a liar. All liars should be shot. Twice. On the head. Their bodies should be propped up and shot again. Same should apply to all people who fall in love at first sight.

It is fine when you meet a girl somewhere in a party or in class and you instantaneously drown in the pool of infatuation. Because then you know, you’ve got a slight chance of meeting that person again in future. But pray, why would you fall in love with someone barely caught a glimpse of in the matatu or at the park? You know very well you’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of ever meeting that individual again, don’t you? That’s what Jowal Jones, an aspiring psychologist and an anti-love crusader, calls a Blunt kind of love.

Gather around me as I tell you a story. (I said gather around me metaphorically, not literally!). I still remember that day as though it were yesterday. I was a student a school in the city center, and I had to commute early every morning. This particular day I decided to take a bus. No sooner had I made myself comfortable on my seat than the heavens opened and the most wonderful phenomena occurred. What I felt can only be effectively described using the words of an ancient philosopher. I was lost as soon as I saw her enter the bus, for beauty’s wound is sharper than any weapon’s, and it runs through the eyes down to the soul. It is through the eye that loves’ wound passes and I now became prey to a host of emotions…

The goddess, who had probably been sent from heaven to bemuse poor mortals like me, walked towards my direction and took a sit opposite me in the opposite column. For once I thought about dialing the paramedics, ‘cause the beauty she oozed was suffocating. The female mystique made me freeze, and for the entire journey I was like a deer in the headlights.

“Jones, do you know that you’ll never meet that girl again?” asked Eric. (Eric’s the name I gave to that little voice inside my head).

“Yes Eric, I understand that.” I said.

“But there’s a way you can rectify that,” Eric continued.

“How now?”

“When people alight, just walk over to the girl. Compliment her about her beauty, and then give her your number.”

What? Walk towards a complete stranger in a bus and give her my number? No, Jones can’t do such. “You know Eric, it’s easy for you to say that coz it’s not you who will get humiliated.”

But Eric is not one to give up easily. “You’re overreacting Jones. Worst case scenario, she’ll just hiss at you like a cobra.”

“And you think getting hissed at is something I love?”

“Be positive Jones. Look at the bright side of things for a moment. Just imagine what will happen if you give her your card and then she calls back later. Think about you chatting with her on phone all day, going out for dates, tying the knot…”

“Stop it Eric!” I’d now had enough of my inner voice’s tomfoolery. “Things don’t go that way in real life. Who do you think I am? Carly Rae Jepsen?”

By now, the bus had reached its destination, and people were alighting. As I watched the girl walk out, my heart suddenly felt heavy and I turned blue. For a moment I thought of heeding Eric’s advice, but courage failed me.

“Regrets will haunt you forever, and that pain will be worse than the humiliation you’re avoiding,” Eric stated as the girl disappeared around a bend. Well, he was right.

James Blunt too, comes to a sad realization, the bitter factoid that he’ll never meet the beautiful girl from the subway again. Here are the last two lines of his song:

 

But it’s time to face the truth

I will never be with you.

 

The video ends by James Blunt committing suicide. He jumps over a cliff.

jowaljones

Jowal Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.