THINKING ABOUT GETTING BACK WITH YOUR EX?

ImageDeciding whether to end a relationship or hold on is one of the toughest choices we usually have to make when it comes to affairs of the heart. But what’s even tougher is pondering on lifting the reverse gear and ignite the once dead flame with your ex.

Getting back with an ex can prove to be quite a conundrum. However, for those thinking of breathing new life to their dead relationships, there are a few things to be put in mind.                                                                                                                                                

What triggered your breakup? People part ways for myriads of reasons, ranging from an ex she contacted on Facebook to his impecunious nature of always being broke. Whatever the reason was for your breakup, are you willing to stomach it all over again? Is it something you can forgive or live with? How sure are you that it won’t spiral out of control this time?

And if you want them back in your life, can you truly forgive? You must be willing to absolve their wrongdoing and not use it as your upper-hand to always make them feel guilty and get your way. You can’t keep throwing your ex’s transgressions to their face every time you want to win an argument. Forgive and forget.

You must also evaluate why you want to get back to the relationship. Is it because your ex (or your friends or family) has piled too much pressure on you to get them back? Is it because you feel lonely, and you just want an affair? Is it because you miss their financial support? All the reasons above are malarkey. The only valid raison d’être to any relationship should be LOVE.

When an ex is after you, they will always make all types of sugarcoated promises to prove to you that they will change. Don’t be so gullible as to fall for such baloney. Insist that you see the change in them BEFORE you give it another try. If you parted ways because of her drinking problem, ensure she quits the habit before you can take her back. If being skint was what caused your cookie to crumble, then don’t get back together before he gets a job.

In order to best asses the change in your ex’s character, try being friends first before getting things going again as lovers. If they’re willing to give it a try and prove their worth as friends (without sex and hormones involved), then it shows they’re really committed to make it work again.

A word of caution though – no one guaranteed that all will be rosy after you make up; that all your previous hitches will simply fade away. The Kikuyu have a proverb that says “Murimu wa mucoka niguo uragaga mundu.” (It is the illness that returns which kills). Are you ready to risk getting your heart broken all over again?

jowaljones

Jowal Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.