DEFYING LONG DISTANCE IN LOVE
Wanja*, an ardent reader of this column, wrote me an interesting email last week. Her fiancé had just won a scholarship to pursue his scholarly dreams in the UK. While this was indeed a great achievement, Wanja was not entirely happy and saw it as a poisoned chalice. “He’s going to be away for three years, how am I assured that he won’t stray?” She lamented.
Long distance relations aren’t for the faint-hearted. They can be extremely trying at times. But do you know you can make such a love last even better than a proximal one? It all depends on how much you love each other. A famous scholar once gave this mercurial nugget of wisdom: “Absence extinguishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out a candle and blows up a bonfire.” So, how does one defy distance and keep love ablaze?
The importance of communication in any relationship can never be underscored enough. Take communication for granted at your own peril. If your love is within the country, you can take advantage of unlimited call plans offered by some of the mobile providers and call each other daily. The internet age has made long distance love more feasible – make use of Facebook and the like. When you’re continents apart (where phone calls don’t make much fiscal sense), consider software such as Skype or Hangout for video calls.
Just like flour makes ugali, so does trust make a relationship. You need to trust your partner completely. I am not advising you to be blind to the fact that they might stray, but being overly-suspicious doesn’t do you much good. Suspicion and jealousy is not only unhealthy to you, but also ails the relationship. Don’t criticize when they don’t text back immediately or when they go out to concerts with their pals. Be patient and give your better half some space of their own.
It is hard for a relationship to thrive on phone calls alone, so make a point of visiting each other as often as the budget permits. Make the best of these rare meetings and get intimate as much as possible.
Even when miles apart, it is advised you should pursue common interests together. A brilliant idea is setting up a joint investment, as this will assure your future together.
There will always be people saying that long distance relationships never work out. Ignore them. Just remember that they’re not the ones in the relationship, it is all up to you and your partner to make it work. Mine is to wish you all the best.