DEFINING THE RELATIONSHIP


DefiningTheRelationship_Title_webSo you’ve been seeing them for quite some time now, probably going out on dates and almost getting physical. However, you’re starting to feel unsure of the state you’re in. You know you cannot call them your boy/girlfriend yet, but they pretty much seem like lovers to you. Maybe it’s finally time to get over all the anxieties; perhaps time is ripe to define your relationship.

Girls, it’s also okay for you to initiate the “what are we” talk with your dude. You might just find that he’s been too nervous to start the chat, and you’re lifting a great burden off your beau.

So, when is the right time to define what you have? You’ll just know. Feelings for the person will overpower you, and you will find that you can no longer contain them. Delaying the conversation won’t lead to anything more serious. It might just push you smack into the dreaded friend-zone.

If you begin to feel a little guilty about going out on dates or flirting with other people, that’s a surefire sign that you’re getting attached to the person in question. Maybe it’s finally time you had the talk with them and establish if you’re going to date, so both of you can decide whether it’s okay or not to go ahead and see other people. It hurts when you pass up opportunities to hook up with other people, only to find out later that your prospective partner is not into you after all.

Also, if your relationship is about to get intimate and you’re one opportune moment away from having sex, then it’s mandatory that you decide on what you are before engaging in any horny shagathons. This is necessary to avoid a situation where a partner feels used after the act. However, do not pop the question in the heat of the moment just before sex, as chances of getting an honest answer at this time are slim.

Defining the relationship should be done in person. Facebook, Whatsapp and text are an absolute no no! Face to face is the best way to get an honest reply from your prospective beau. There’s so much sincerity that one can just gauge from body language; don’t hide behind your phone.

When on a fine date and opportunity arises for you to ask “Where do you think our relationship is headed to?”, don’t walk away without an answer. It’s okay to let them sleep on the answer; perhaps they weren’t expecting you to ask that. But if they barefacedly try to deflect the topic at hand, then chances of ever having an exclusive affair are slim. Remember, a non-answer is still an answer—and the answer is no.

Nobody wants to be strung along forever in a fling they’re not sure will ever develop. Why drive yourself silly for months wondering if the person you’re texting day and night isn’t that into you? Why don’t you take a bold step and ask them where the relationship is headed to? Faint heart never won a fair lady, they said.

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Lukorito Jones

Lukorito Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.

4 Comments:

  1. yeah very great insights on relationships…one should really know how where they stand before going deeper

  2. Faint heart never won a fair lady, they said. this is a great article on defining our relationships

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