THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND ROMANCE, THESE COMRADES OF MINE


It seems that morals and common-sense are not the only things that have fled from my comrades. Cupid too has joined the bandwagon and deserted the youngsters, leaving behind a generation devoid of courtship values, romance and a squat of true love.

Relationships among my comrades are like houses built on sand, which no real foundation beneath them. Nowadays, all that one has to do to get their soul-mate is simply text a certain code to some voodoo number and voila! A perfect match appears like magic! To my old man, Grandpa Richard, this reeks of nothing but utter laziness among the modern youth. During their time, courtship was a lengthy affair that involved productive stalking, carefully rehearsed pick-up lines by the river-bank, and neatly handwritten missives.

Speaking of the missives, what happened to the good old art of writing love letters? Grandpa says it went the way of the dodo because comrades can no longer string a sentence even if their lives depended on it. All that lovers of today get are miss pelt texts and asinine looking LMFAOs.

Love has become nothing but materialistic. Comrades use it as an avenue to show-off; boys will go out of their way to impress girls by sinking themselves in debt so they can afford expensive gifts and showy dates. Girls on the other hand see no romance in relationships, other than a way to milk their partners to the bone. Some schoolgirls take the game a notch lower when they decide to date septuagenarians just for the cash. They conflate business for love, these comrades of mine.

Since they cannot sustain a relationship for all its worth, comrades nowadays jump into casual flings so as to fulfill their fornication obligations. People no longer couple up with honest intentions; sex has since overpowered love. In the halcyon days, you spoke to a girl’s father and got his blessings before you were granted the keys to the chastity chest. But even then, my old man Grandpa Richard insists he did not have sex until three years into his marriage. Yes, sex was that sacred.

Present day marriages start as spontaneously as bowel movements, without any prior planning. The art of asking for blessings and consent from the parents is fast fading. Nowadays, many marriages start with the words “I’m pregnant.” Descent proposals have become relics of the past generation as going down on one’s knees has acquired a vile function that is entirely different from proposing.

“For your generation, romance is nothing but a quick tweet, a clumsy grope in a seedy pub, a vexatious STI or unplanned pregnancy. The closest you guys ever come to love is by watching dating shows on television,” Complains Grandpa Richard. The pensioner, who has been married to his sweetheart Grandma Sarah for more than half a century, suggests that it is high time my comrades pulled a U-turn and headed back to the way of romantic letters, fornication free dates, and descent proposals.

@JowalJones

jowaljones

Jowal Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.