Tomorrow the world comes to a standstill. It is a day that is bound to bring forth both disappointments and goodness in equal measure. On this day, smiles will be enhanced and migraines will be induced. Promises will be affirmed and many will be broken. Dreams will be relived and shattered in equal measure. Love will flourish and love will wither. Behold the paradox of 14th February, Valentine’s Day.
I have stated in this same platform before that other than common sense and morals, Cupid too appears to want nothing to do with my comrades. As such, Valentine’s Day presents a tough puzzle, seeing as they don’t know squat about romance. The spectacle of my comrades going berserk about Valentine’s is something I’m thoroughly enjoying.
Driven by a dreadful fear of missing out (FOMO), all my comrades feel immense pressure to engage in this fake hoopla. They will move heaven and earth to ensure they partake in this tomfoolery of chocolate, jewellery, stuffed animals and expensive dinner dates. This quest to fake love so as to fit in is what makes my old man, Grandpa Richard, hate Valentine’s Day and all it represents.
“14th February always turns out to be nothing but a popularity contest,” observes Grandpa. “People will battle each other to exchange the most expensive gifts and order meals at restaurants that charge usurious rates just so as to emerge tops on the love-metre. When did we start measuring love by the amount of money we’re willing to send down the drain in one day?” wonders the old man, who hopes to wake up on Sunday morning when he retires to bed tonight.
Going through social media, I was alarmed by the level of desperation my comrades have sunk to in search for potential mates for the day. At this point anything goes. This hooking-up culture, where people become partners in the snap of a finger just for convenience, will be the end of us.
As I prophesied few weeks earlier, many of my comrades are now so broke that church mice will point fingers at them and laugh. But instead of marking the day within their means, the improvident students have opted to take out loans just so they can paint the town red. Good news is that gift shops and restaurants tomorrow will be understanding and accept all forms of payment, including school fees and rent.
At the end of the day comrades will get all hopped up in wine and hormones and retreat for a most amoral night. Being the easiest day to contract Kaswende and Kisonono among a hoard of other STDs, I urge my comrades to use protection.
And while at it, I’ve got a suggestion. Why not take out your significant other for an overpriced dinner and buy her a special gift on April 14th instead?
Shout out to all my amorously challenged comrades and lads who will perform grandiose acts of disappearances come Valentine’s Day.