OBAMA: MY COMRADES’ MESSIAH


Image Credit: Simon Ngari, Daily Nation

Image Credit: Simon Ngari, Daily Nation

The mood in the air over the weekend was exhilarating; almost intoxicating with energetic hoopla as the most powerful man on earth paid us a visit.

My old man, Grandpa Richard, had his fingers crossed fearing that my comrades would make true their asinine threats and proceed to commit despicable crimes against nature as they had threatened in their missive to Obama.

The old man had even written another letter to the US embassy advising them to provide a helmet for POTUS just in case he interacts with my comrades who have a reputation for stone-throwing.

It now seems like Grandpa’s fears were unfounded as no one was throwing stones that weekend. While my comrades had initially been filled with piss which they had threatened to release on fauna, President Obama inspired them so much during the three day visit that by the time he left, they were all filled with piss and vinegar.

Valuable lessons were gathered from the leader of the free world and now my comrades are itching to turn over a new leaf.

The cancer of tribalism has infected every cell in student body elections. It is a disease that has atrophied campus politics because very few students have the courage to rise above it.

Indeed, just a week before President Obama jetted in, a local university had been closed as its students had gone rogue and unleashed violence as a result of blatant tribalism in student elections.

SUBSUMED IN TRIBE ISSUES

In his speech, Obama clearly warned us not to allow ourselves be subsumed in the issues of tribe. In the end we’re all part of one tribe—the human tribe as he put it.

Some of my comrades hold the misguided belief that once they join university; they become too sophisticated for village life and the people they left there.

Grandpa Richard says they hardly go back to the village and if they do, they usually insist on wearing six-inch heels along muddy footpaths just to flaunt. Humility, to them, is an alien concept.

Obama is the most powerful man on earth and yet he still managed to shower his kin with enviable attention. What’s more? He surprised us by addressing us in Sheng, showing he is a man true to his roots. Take note, you comrades that pick up travesty American accents in pretence of being posh!

Since the 44th President of the United States was so enthusiastic about women empowerment, my female colleagues have resolved to rise to the occasion.

The notion that campus divas should laze around waiting for 70-year old ‘sponsors’ to take care of their every whim has from this week been thrown out the window.

Obama said that women are now powerhouse entrepreneurs, didn’t he?

After Obama displayed his keen interest in entrepreneurship and sung praises for Kenya’s leading innovations, my comrades have now vowed to spend their spare-time researching innovative ideas and shun fornication which was a favourite pastime.

Indeed, Grandpa Richard thinks that Obama is the messiah my comrades had been waiting for.

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Lukorito Jones

Lukorito Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.

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