NOTE TO GULLIBLE PARENTS


My old man, Grandpa Richard, has spent a significant part  of his old age visiting the chiropractor and studying the peculiar species that are my comrades.

Both are extremely daunting tasks, but the latter is more agonising to his soul. The retiree is, however, taking it all in his stride and continues to play the role of a moral custodian like a fine flute.

But unlike grandpa, many guardians do not devote their time to shaping their children morally once they join institutions of higher learning. They detach themselves from their kids’ lives and emotions, thereby fuelling moral degradation.

Parents, hold on to your seats and put your heads in a swivel because they’ll spin as you read this.

A few months ago, a comrade of mine kicked the bucket in very unfortunate circumstances.

The lad had been gallivanting around pubs all night long and come morning, his brain had already fled from him.

The poor boy conflated the highway with a bed, and a speeding lorry instantly consigned him to God’s waiting room.

DID NOT DANCE LIPALA IN JUBILATION

When his mother learnt of the incident, she obviously didn’t dance the lipala in jubilation—she was crushed, as any mother would be. However, she did not believe her son was drunk at the time of his death. As far as she was concerned, her son wouldn’t touch alcohol with a 10-foot pole.

If her son was a drunkard, then pigs could fly. Unfortunately, the coroner’s report stated otherwise.

Another case of chicanery comes to mind. After a daughter had been away from home for  four years, an entire village travelled to Nairobi to witness her graduation. Shock on them when they realised that the lass had actually dropped out of university in her sophomore year!

Parents are at ease with the belief that their children are virgins bereft of any sins of flesh.

It is easier for a parent to just sit back and assume that the last time their son/daughter was involved in coitus was when they were spermatozoa, rather than take them through the birds and bees stuff.

All goes well until the daughter shows up at home with a child born out of wedlock, and the son returns after contracting an STI, looking as thin as a proverbial rake.

That is when the gloves come off and it does not take a shrink to tell that your kids have been seeing more rubber than  the Thika Superhighway.

GLOVES COME OFF

While your progeny might appear all subservient at home, do not be so blind as to miss the tell-tale signs that don’t need Sherlock Holmes to deduce he is hooked on bhang. Watch out for clues that might indicate your college-going kid is addicted to pornography, khat-chomping and shisha-puffing.

Once they join university, their pubescent immunity to discipline is reinforced as they turn into maestros of deception.

Their guile and trickery can make disgraced televangelist Kanyari look saintly. Upon scrutiny by guardians, however, the façade easily crumbles.

“Lack of parents’ involvement in their children’s lives is disastrous,” warns grandpa. “It only fosters indiscipline, sleaze and moral decay.”

jowaljones

Jowal Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.