COMRADES, ENOUGH OF THIS GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE!


There are only two things in Kenya that are of a greater security threat than Al-shabaab, and my comrades are both of them. This is because campus students, all jazzed up with alcohol and flagrant disregard of the law, have decided that there is no other way in which conflicts can be resolved other than by disruption of peace and destruction of property. It is deplorable and needs to end, right now!
Nowadays, institutions of higher learning have become so unsafe for peace-loving citizens that to walk outside a Kenyan university, you need to have a helmet on. This is because you never know when the student-population will overdose on marijuana and decide to unleash the extra energy by opening skulls of innocent by-passers.
Of course they’ll defend themselves with claims that they’re fighting for justice. Call me a damned dinosaur, but I’m still old-fashioned enough to uphold that two wrongs never make a right. What justice comes from plundering the nearby market and looting kiosks? A dissident student leader was quoted on telly saying that they’re advancing democracy. Democrazy maybe, but that certainly has nothing to do with democracy. In fact, demoghasia is the right word to describe such barbarity. Somebody hand me the latest edition of Oxford Dictionary, maybe definitions for ‘justice’ and ‘democracy’ just changed.
“In my days, stones were strictly reserved for hunting wild doves and scrubbing ourselves in the shower. They were never intended for shattering windscreens of innocent motorists who had nothing to do with our problems,” Recalls my old man Grandpa Richard. “And when we felt like releasing excess energy from our systems, we split wood and danced to the Isukuti. Woe betide you if you went on rampage.”
During Grandpa Richard’s time, young people saved their rage for fighting for uhuru and protecting the country against the threat occasioned by the colour-bar. Nowadays though, comrades must unleash hell with the rage of Solange attacking Jay-z every time grass sprouts in their campuses.
With this kind of buffoonery, university students still insist that they should be involved in the making of all important national decisions. Lupita says their dreams are valid, but I certainly think it would be impossible for us to run the country their way. Nobody has ever cared about what hooligans think and now’s not the time to start. All a comrade will bring to the table is asinine riddim music and last week’s miraa still stuck on his teeth.
Grandpa Richard is no prophet, but he has foreseen a Kenya whereby the President will incite his citizens to burn tires on the road, voting will be conducted by a stone-throwing hiatus, and people will have to shatter window pane so their opinions can be heard. And when that comes, pacifists like me will just pack our bags and move to a then more peaceful Somalia. Then you will all say to yourselves, “Grandpa Richard and Jowal were right, damned right! We should have heeded their warning!”

@JowalJones

jowaljones

Jowal Jones is a columnist and correspondent with Kenya's leading newspaper, Daily Nation. He also dabbles in fiction works at times, hoping to be the next Stephen King. Sometimes he takes time out from writing to perfect his deer-dancing and goat-screaming skills.